Giggle Fits

Sorry I havent really been posting anything, I had to life recently. Between Thanksgiving break, studying for finals, finishing projects, trying not to freeze to death or get blown away by the BG wind.

This picture here is pretty much a visual representation and my mood/life lately

 who doesn't love a good Minion? :)

...Yeah, so there's that.

BUT! Finals are done and now I'm on break, yay!

But as I was studying recently with some friends, we started reading Snapple facts. One of the facts read "Six-year-olds laugh on average 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15-100 times a day". WHOA. Only 15-100 times a day, that's crazy. And sad that, that it what adulthood has come to.
I mean look at what Bill Cosby has to say about laughter:

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/laughter.html#J0tgqvgCX04DeLRX.99

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/billcosby131321.html#yDkZG6o2RqEvloPx.99

As my friends and I stated talking about it, it was decided that we where probably still six year olds because of how much we laugh. Especially me.

One of my friends (who I've known since last year) started talking about how I laugh a lot. Which happens to be true. Pretty soon after we started talking about laughing the topic went back to studying

and what not.

 But I was still thinking about it. I tend to laugh my way though life. It's how I deal with awkward situations; which are hourly occurrences for me. Its how I deal with stress. Its how I live pretty much.Sometimes I just can't control my laughter, it just kinda comes out.
I have a theory as to why I laugh so much that. I think its because I went though so much of my life numb to everything. Faking my emotions, faking my life really. And now I want to feel everything, I want to own every emotion.
And I do. This is my happiness, I feel it, I own it, I love it. Even if that means my laughter comes out at random times, at least its real. It helps remind me I am alive and that I am living life.

So laugh. Laugh in awkward situations, laugh at a stupid joke (you might even make someones day if you do :)), laugh through your pain; because it makes it more bearable, laugh especially when you are happy. Most importantly laugh because you are alive, you are breathing, you are doing something with your life, YOU ARE LIVING. 

So celebrate and laugh every second you get.


"I am so happy that I have brought laughter, because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways" -- Lucille Ball

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
e. e. cummings
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/laughter.html#A3dqOVjsGY40TriP.99

A Beautiful Collusion

Let me preface this with an apology. I apologize in advance for the long sort of sad-ish first blog post, entry(?), thingie. But I feel like what I am about to share really gets to the heart of the title "Finding Hope". Its about my struggles and coming out on the other side. Let me also go on to say that this is something that is really hard for me to share, but I am finally, FINALLY taking complete ownership of my past. And that in a way is helping me to find my hope again.

After reading Sarah’s blog “A Fearless Collision”(which you can read here) I started thinking about my own life, fears, dreams, and all that other life stuff. The more I thought about it the more these words and thoughts and phrases where popping into my head and I knew I needed to get them down before I forgot them all, because lets be real, that’s what I do. :) These words need to come out, and apparently they have decided that now is the perfect time to do so. 

For those who know me they see: the different colors I dye my hair, the weirdness I have, the humor and the sass, the confidence I show, the women I am slowly becoming and many other things. The few who know me well and I do mean really well (you know who you are), see the BS behind all that. They see the shy, scared, little girl who I feel will always be there. The one who is afraid to speak her mind for fear she will be disliked, the one who puts herself down but dresses it up as “humor”, the girl who was there at my lowest and darkest points in life. This girl is, I think in many ways, is why the idea of commitment scares the shit out of me. She is why I keep my emotions in a lock box, inside of a safe that is encased in concrete and buried underground. And I used to let her control my life. 

Many people outside family and very close friends do not know this, but when I was 17 I almost took my own life. I was stuck in my own world of hurt, and darkness, and pain and it seemed like there was no way out, little did I know that there really was. After that fateful night the summer before my senior year, my life slowly changed. It took me a very long time to accept what I almost did that night, almost 7 months to at least acknowledge what happened and to share it with someone. It took even longer for me to really accept and own what had happened. It was only when I accepted what happened that the little girls’ control over me started to fade; she didn’t get to control me and my life anymore. And while she may still be in the background, make an experience every now and then, those experiences are short and I refuse to let them own me. THIS IS MY LIFE. Not that little girls’. 

How does this little story (jk, it was not a very little story, my bad) relate to the title? How could this possibly be something beautiful? And what does it possible have to do with collisions? 

Everyone thinks of collisions as these horrific things (think head-on car collisions, bad right?) Well at that point in my life I was on a collision course with depression, and death. But I am still here; I am still a living and breathing person, that in and of itself is beautiful. Because of what happened after so many wonderful things have happened and come together for me. I have learned about myself, my fears, my strengths, my weaknesses, that it is ok to ask for help, it’s ok to have emotions, it’s ok to be myself no matter who weird and strange. 

Because of these things, my life is a beautiful collision. A hot mess of things and events and people all mixed together to create something that is worth living for. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Peace and Love always,

Liz